First Love

Writing About Boys is a collection of short essays exploring relationships and love.  Check out my first entry for the full introduction of these vignettes.

Written while listening to They'll Soon Discover by The Shins

The spring of my freshman year in high school, I fell in love for the first time. We both loved lacrosse and had the excitement of two golden retriever puppies. My older sister was a senior at the time and called us “puppy dog love.” My skeptical dad who rarely talked about love said he hadn’t ever seen anything like it.

He claimed that he fell in love with me the first time he saw me — when he was moving into boys dorm on the first day of high school. Although he’s 6’4” and a loud presence, I don’t think I noticed him because he had rubber bands connecting his top braces with his bottom braces. The rubber band might have even gone across his mouth, now that I think about it.

That spring, we’d eat dinner quickly so that we could play lacrosse together before study hall at 8pm. We’d grab our lacrosse sticks and meet at the entryway of the dining hall, smiling too big to be able to say anything but giggle as we headed out to the soccer fields.

He declared we were perfect for each other because “we fit like a puzzle” — the top of my head was level with his collar bone, so when he hugged me, my head fit just under his chin.

His happiest moment was when I farted in front of him for the first time. I hated that. He felt like it meant I really felt comfortable with him, and that made him happy. A special enthusiasm that still makes me scratch my head. 

We adored each other as playmates and soul mates. There was this unspoken, intangible thing that we felt about each other. We bragged to each other behind close doors that this wasn’t normal high school love — this wasn’t even normal love — it was the most special kind of love. It was so special that at age 17 we declared we’d marry each other, and if we didn’t end up being able to, we’d meet in Greece for a romantic love affair.

Before we returned for sophomore year, I broke up with him over Facebook private messages.